you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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