I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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