So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
