Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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