So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
