Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
