Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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