the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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