So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
