There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
