She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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