I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
