Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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