I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
