as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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