I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
