The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
