i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
