so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
