Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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