if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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