Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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