when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
