some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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