She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
