Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
