he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
