Me. At least after what I've been through.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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