Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
