last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
