hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's blow job season.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
