Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
