I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
