it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
