you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
