don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
