Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
