you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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