hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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