if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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