So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
