Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
