What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
