we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
