Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
