What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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