Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
