I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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