we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just high enough for therapy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
