Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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