Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
