Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
