3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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