Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
