what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
