Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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