So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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