Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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