WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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