dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
