ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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