okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This house was built for laser tag.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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