And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
