Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
