Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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