My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
