dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
