I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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