i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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