and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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