If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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