My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize