What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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