She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
