Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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