woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there is glitter all over my balls
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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