Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
